why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize