My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
