4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
