i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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