i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
