I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have fence marks all over my body
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
