I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize