I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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