Can i not drive my cunt home
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
