Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
