well I can't set my house on fire every night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
