That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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