Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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