we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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