I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
