He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
