In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize