So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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