THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The best revenge is premature balding
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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