please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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