Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
