We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
