I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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