I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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