shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
