I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
