Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
