I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
