this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your penis caused this!
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