jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
do herpes really smell.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
