There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
