if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
