i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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