She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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