One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and she was petting her beer can
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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