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• (540): View more from Virginia

  that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid

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• (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  You going out tonight?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.

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• (619): View more from California

  Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me

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