Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
