i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize