just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
