All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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