last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
