Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
