idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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