Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
