maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
