He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize