you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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