if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
