I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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