Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
