Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize