oh god the rape fog is back!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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