my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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