how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
