Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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