yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
