I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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