apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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