I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
