you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
And then he peed in my hair
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