boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So squirting runs in the family.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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