why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
