We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
