I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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