i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
