I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
