you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
