Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
