There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
