I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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