I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
