Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
