i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
