I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
