As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
