Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
