So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
