just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
