my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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