"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Damn victory sex feels great
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
