So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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