im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
