I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I could fuck to npr.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
