so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
