you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
