dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
be right there i have to get my cape
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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