But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
