One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
