I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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