yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
