I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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