If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
