where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
