Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
