at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
