so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
