nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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