Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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