im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
