I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
