no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
