Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
