My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
